My new job??

June 17, 2008

 

Mr. Fred Wilpon

Owner

New York Mets

Shea Stadium (for now)

Queens

New York, NY

 

Managerial vacancy

 

Dear Mr Wilpon,

 

I wish to put my name forward for consideration for the post of Team Manager. I should first explain some issues that may be a barrier to this appointment.

 

Firstly I have no baseball managerial experience in the Major Leagues or indeed of any kind. I have never managed any sports team. Indeed I have never actually played baseball.

 

Let’s assume for a moment that the above do not impede my candidacy and look at why I might be an appropriate appointment:

 

  1. I am English and a cricket fan. I know, therefore, the value of patience and just how to have fun and stay sharp during rain delays. I find crossword puzzles to be of particular value.
  2. Unusually for an Englishman I understand the infield-fly rule and more pertinently what the manager should do if an opposition player bats out of turn.
  3. I know all the words of both ‘Take me out to the ballgame’ and ‘Let’s go Mets.’
  4. I live in a location convenient for the 7 train so will not require a relocation package.
  5. I have managed a number of businesses and my general experience is that management generally recruits good players and the real issue is giving them leadership and a plan and sticking to it. However…
  6. A key part of my management philosophy is to avoid accusations of madness by repeating the same action in expectation of a changed outcome. For example, Mr Alou will not play 100 games in this or any other season, Mr Martinez will never again pitch 30 starts, Mr. Delgado will never have another 40 home run reason, Mr. Heilman will never pitch the 8th without inducing near or actual coronary failure in those watching. It may be wise not to allocate them lockers at our new ball park.
  7. I don’t stomp out of the dug-out to protest calls. They never change so why bother.

 

In conclusion I believe that my combination of enthusiasm, wisdom and above all NO preconceptions carried on the long journey from the bush leagues makes me an ideal candidate. By the way due to Jewish holidays I am rarely available to work in October but I do not suppose that is an issue.

 

I look forward to hearing from you very soon.

 

Best wishes

 

Rob Norman

 

6 Comments

Filed under This sporting life

6 responses to “My new job??

  1. Hello.

    I like your site and wanted to know if you would be interested in exchanging blogroll links.

    Thanks in advance

  2. Reminds me of George Costanza – but that was the Yankees, i think. Looking at what they pay at Chelsea for their new management, it could be a lucrative move

  3. Gerard B

    Rob,
    You have my vote for the job . . . certainly you have the qualifications. But if it doesn’t work out, you can always push popcorn and dogs in the upper mezzanine. I’m sure they could use you. :>)

    GB

  4. Ann Reilly

    Sorry you didn’t get the job, Rob. You are certainly highly qualified per your application! Guess it’s back to your day job.
    Ann

  5. roadworrier

    Dear Mr. Norman,
    Thanks for your application – it will be put in the very small pile of resumes that is accumulating on my desk – just above a well qualified gentleman from Seattle and just below another foreign gentleman who, oddly enough, has the same issues as you in participating in the post-season. A Mr. Avram Grant – do you know him?
    I’m afraid that your astute reading of our roster weaknesses and your apparent willingness to sacrifice crowd pleasing selection for hard-nosed results does not lend itself to our ambitions to be perennial bridesmaids and also rans in the New York City sporting pantheon.
    However, we do have a forthcoming position at short stop as Mr. Reyes as indicated his interest in a management role and our strong feeling is that his telegenic presence will ensure an adequate substitute for Mr. Randolph’s strengths in this area which will be sorely missed. So, please feel free to approach us in this regard.
    Yours etc…
    L.G. Mets

  6. Adam

    I’ve never understood why people have such a high regard for Omar Minaya. He messed up the Expos and has moved onto the Mets.

    In this regard, Boston’s appointment of Theo Epstein (descendant of one of the authors of Cassablanca) looks so much smarter. Only one bad trade (the Gagne one) and one bad free agent signing (Lugo) is on his cv.

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