Mr. Fred Wilpon
New York Mets
Shea Stadium (for now)
New York, NY
Dear Mr Wilpon,
I wish to put my name forward for consideration for the post of Team Manager. I should first explain some issues that may be a barrier to this appointment.
Firstly I have no baseball managerial experience in the Major Leagues or indeed of any kind. I have never managed any sports team. Indeed I have never actually played baseball.
Let’s assume for a moment that the above do not impede my candidacy and look at why I might be an appropriate appointment:
- I am English and a cricket fan. I know, therefore, the value of patience and just how to have fun and stay sharp during rain delays. I find crossword puzzles to be of particular value.
- Unusually for an Englishman I understand the infield-fly rule and more pertinently what the manager should do if an opposition player bats out of turn.
- I know all the words of both ‘Take me out to the ballgame’ and ‘Let’s go Mets.’
- I live in a location convenient for the 7 train so will not require a relocation package.
- I have managed a number of businesses and my general experience is that management generally recruits good players and the real issue is giving them leadership and a plan and sticking to it. However…
- A key part of my management philosophy is to avoid accusations of madness by repeating the same action in expectation of a changed outcome. For example, Mr Alou will not play 100 games in this or any other season, Mr Martinez will never again pitch 30 starts, Mr. Delgado will never have another 40 home run reason, Mr. Heilman will never pitch the 8th without inducing near or actual coronary failure in those watching. It may be wise not to allocate them lockers at our new ball park.
- I don’t stomp out of the dug-out to protest calls. They never change so why bother.
In conclusion I believe that my combination of enthusiasm, wisdom and above all NO preconceptions carried on the long journey from the bush leagues makes me an ideal candidate. By the way due to Jewish holidays I am rarely available to work in October but I do not suppose that is an issue.
I look forward to hearing from you very soon.